reflectedlight | 🌙 Inbox - Marc Spector's Dead Drop

🌙 Inbox - Marc Spector's Dead Drop

If he's told you how to find it, a loose ceiling panel above the Lyfe Boat on the first floor is where you can leave hand-written notes inside of library books if you're trying to reach Marc Spector.

If he hasn't told you how to find it, you shouldn't be here. Marc doesn't exist. You want Steven Grant's Inbox.

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"You tell me, Marc." He says with a shrug.

"I'm trying to figure out what caused your outburst before so it can be avoided later. You talked about my being a warden and a murderer and how that's somehow fine. First off, it's not. It's fucked up. I'm aware. I'm an awful person, I probably don't deserve to be here at all. Didn't deserve it the first time, either. I don't get why this works and yours doesn't."

There's another sigh. "But I'm not seeing why that caused your..." Oh, no. What can he even call it? He lacks the vocabulary for this so he goes with the word he knows, usually just reserved for Dorian. It's not fair. They're on different levels. "madness before I had to knock you out. We've had an ongoing discussion about it already. So yeah, something's missing. As far as I can tell. But if you can't tell then I'm not pushing it." For now.

Fffuuuck okay.

"She started beating the hell out of me because I killed her other son. Little brother. Eight.

She was... sane before that. We were normal."

Marc's voice is flat. Just facts, no emotions.

"So if it's not me as an adult killing targets that means I'm an inmate because of-" He still can't say his dead brother's name, actually. Nope. "That. That incident. Which means she was right.

That was a little much."

But he's got it now. It tracks. It's fine. It's depressing, but it's fine.

Edited 2026-04-14 19:39 (UTC)

"Sorry." He says a bit awkwardly. It's what you're supposed to say for these things, right? It's less second-hand. He lived with the Drakes for ten years. Serah, Mags, Ilena, they may as well have been his sisters and now only Ilena's alive. Even Ulana used to care for him and she's gone, too. It's just the Count and Ilena left. And it's because of him.

"But I know you're not here because of that, either. I don't know the circumstances, but I know that can't be why."

Honestly? This is way better. Way easier than someone trying to be sweet about it. That makes Marc's skin crawl. The facts? He can do that. They can just talk about this like it's something that doesn't bother him.

"What, you did it too?"

What a miserable pair they make.

He grimaces. "Yeah." It's a quiet admission.

He does not have the emotional distance to state things like facts. So he divulges nothing more. He doesn't feel like turning into a depressed puddle today if he can avoid it.

"Okay."

Okay. So.

"So, what the fuck," Marc says. Still very flat. "What the fuck am I doing that you're not doing. How could it be worse than that?"

The bitterness is back. How much lower does he have to go? That was the big one.

Edited 2026-04-14 20:32 (UTC)

"I don't know." He says it still quiet.

"Maybe it's less what and more how or why. I can't tell you that. Even with a file I can't tell you that. Those things never hold the answers you think they do. But I don't think it's because of your brother and I don't think it's because of your profession."

There's a long pause, he's trying to find some asymmetry here.

"I told you I graduated from this mess. Well, I went back for a while. Just a few months. It wasn't long here. I still was able to come back as a Warden, despite what I did. Even though that didn't work out..." He shrugs. "In the time I messed that up and came back this time I've killed..." Oh, no. Wait. It's a few. Shit. "Maybe like 10? People? One of them was personal. None of them were innocent. I can guarantee that. But my methods are different. Just thinking that might be the difference between us. Granted, at this point, I work for the High King, if not myself. I don't have to follow orders if I don't want to so long as the end result reaches the same goal."

"Methods meaning what? ... Knives?"

Marc, you're being too literal, buddy.

"I work for... Khonshu, now. Mostly. He's better than the boss I had before him, but it's a low bar."

"Right, but maybe there are still things you can do within those boundaries. But I don't know your Khonshu."

"Hey, I've always used knives and probably weapons you haven't even heard of. You can't be picky for some jobs so you plan for them all. But that's not the point."

He grasps his chin, rubbing at it in a thought.

"I don't kill unless I mean to. I needed someone dead a week before I got here. I was sitting on it, debating it for months. Then the High King comes out with a clemency for all previous nobility who allied with the wrong side during the coup. He's a much better person than me. And this woman who should've been hanged would've got off free for all she did. So I handled it myself. There were witnesses. Two kids. A guard I had to knockout. Several other guards. The asshole noble who—" Might be a demon? If that's even a thing? Let's not get into it. "who was hiding her away had his whole armed guard after me. I could've killed those kids for seeing my face and every guard. Most would've deserved it. But I spared them.

... Most. I caught one of their eyes and that one needed to be dealt with, but I didn't kill him."

He rubs at his neck. "My point is, I still killed her and another me might've killed everyone in that noble's house for being a witness and they would've all deserved it. Especially that nobleman himself. I kind of wish I had now. Maybe not the kids, but they were guild rats, no one would miss. But I did think about it and I kept to my... morals, if you want to call them that."

He shrugs, arms falling by his side. "Or I'm completely wrong and there's a whole other reason."

"Imagine a guy that's annoying."

That's Marc's entire description of Khonshu. He paints a beautiful and vivid world, doesn't he?

Marc slumps more and more as Kylar goes on.

"You know. I kinda feel like an asshole for judging you. I mean, I already did. Kinda. But - fuck, I don't know. I know how hard it is to not just clean sweep the whole place. I try to do the same. And I never do kids, no matter what - too much, uh -"

Personal baggage.

"... Not worth it. Khonshu is -"

Sigh.

"He's a god of vengeance, he can identify people that have been dangerous to innocent people traveling by night and are going to get away with it. I hope he can, anyway, or I'm just killing random guys."

There's a smirk on his lips that Marc would admit to judging him. Well, someone should. He's always wondered what would happen if he looked in the mirror to judge and consistently decided it was the worst idea imaginable. He already knows what he'd see.

"Could just be the blindness of following orders, maybe they are random. But I'm not saying what I did worked either. You see, letting all of those witnesses live? That held consequences. They saw my face, they knew my name, my status, my allies. With the right intel they could harm a lot of people close to me. And that noble tried it and he won, Marc. He has the twins. He's my next deader when I go back, with or without my deal finished. And none of that would've happened if I had actually done a sweep of that damned place."

He sounds pissed and he can't help it. It was a frustrating week that only just ended up dragging him back to this place. He takes a second to calm, but he can't get the sternness out of his voice.

"Look, I won't tell you that morals are what went wrong. But it's consequences. I picked those morals, I stuck to them and now I'm facing the consequences for them. I'm not hiding or ducking out, I'm dealing with it. And even though I fucked things up, I'm still going to stick to them. Even if everything else says it's easier or feels easier. I wouldn't say I know you, but I think that's our difference or something like it."