reflectedlight | 🌙 Inbox - Marc Spector's Dead Drop

"Still takes work to maintain, don't it?"

You're working on yourself, it's good!

"I really like it, but sometimes when I say that people look like they're going to shoot me, so I'll preface that I do understand not liking it. But my favorite thing is to learn, really, and there's so much available to me here! D'you know I think I'm at B1 fluency in my second language? We've got three native speakers and I've been bugging them like mad to let me practice on them."

"No, not really." It's more a 'do or don't' situation, as far as he's concerned.

Hmn.

"You do realize that some people not just dislike being here but adamantly find it punishing, if not insulting, right? And you see it as... a pleasant cruise?" He waves a dismissive hand. "Look, it's good you're adjusted, but maybe don't let that on to others here. That's all I'm saying."

He means: Steven, you are going to get shot.

"Yeah, no, I was trying to be - to be a bit -" He was trying to soften out the language.

"Sorry. People have told me this, and - and I'm doing my best to internalize all of it."

Coffee mug goes in the little plastic platform, and starts getting filled.

That coffee thingy is magic, Kylar's pretty sure. But then, this whole ship is. If he didn't know any better, he'd assume this whole place was run by the Chantry or another Khali wannabe. Something, something, energy and soul sucking.

"I'm not trying to tell you to be miserable. Just use your brain and some caution." Hilarious, coming from this guy. The irony is not lost on him. "I mean, hypothetically, let's say you were an inmate. What would you think of this place? Of being here against your will?"

"Relieved to not be dead," Immediately. "Still pretty thrilled with the library. Probably constantly terrified I'd disappear? But I already am as a warden anyway, really."

"Aha," he holds up a finger. The dead thing. People always talk about the dead thing. "Keeping to hypotheticals. Let's say death isn't a worry for you. You die, but you come back. Your own means of doing it. They suck, by the way. But it works." Oddly specific hypothetical, huh.

"But you don't need this place. You still worried about disappearing? Or would you be grateful for it?"

"...What?"

This is too specific.

"Do I come back right away? Or - like - do I reincarnate? Do I remember who I was, does my body just heal itself? Or like, what if I died underwater, do I come back and just drown again? Does the day start over or something?"

It's about to get way more specific, hold on tight.

"You come back in three days, as yourself, fully recovered. If you died underwater, that's your own fault. Maybe you'll float around a few weeks and eventually hit land between several unfortunate drowned deaths." He shrugs ever so nonchalant.

"My point is, death is a non-issue. This place provides no benefit, only obstacles. Do you really think in that situation you'd still be grateful? That you'd appreciate wardens or the Admiral?"

???

?????

"Are you immortal?"

Offers... out... cup of coffee...?

"I'm not avoiding the question, I'm thinking about it, but are you?"

Edited 2026-04-04 06:30 (UTC)

"Ah, you got me. Guilty. What gave it away?" He will take the cup of coffee with a smirk, thank you. "But I know I wasn't the only inmate in a similar situation. Maybe not immortal, maybe something else. Maybe another deal or another method or Talent. But there are plenty who've come here in similar circumstances to this hypothetical."

"Well, no. Then I'd only be trapped here for no reason. This whole thing only works if you'd be properly dead otherwise. I'm so sorry that happened to you."

He didn't have to think about it that hard. His idea of what the Barge does and why is pretty crystal clear.

Edited 2026-04-04 06:41 (UTC)

He holds the cup in two hands, blowing off the steam idly. "Not looking for sorry. It doesn't do any good for me or the next guy. But think about it, Steven. Other inmates are in the same place. How are you going to deal with that? Someone who doesn't want this gift of life or doesn't need it? Someone actively resenting the system and this higher power demanding change or imprisonment? Learn a language with them? Skip down the hall to the library together?"

He takes a sip.

"They'll probably just kill you, it won't make a difference to them. They've already been declared guilty, what's one more on their conscience?"

There's a pause.

"I said I wasn't telling you to be miserable. But I am trying to scare you." He holds up a finger. "With honesty, but scare you nonetheless."

He glances up, just to check. Don't worry, no eye contact.

"Is it working?" He can do some illusions if needed, he loves those.

"Fraid it's not making me scared, no. I actually like learning these things from people with more experience. It means I can think about it before I really do hurt someone."

It's not dissimilar to what Jedao had tried to go over with him. Everyone can be helped, but not everyone can be helped by you.

Kylar is irritated by something abstract that Steven represents, he's pretty sure. That means they're just not going to like each other. He just has to try to be okay with that. Stay polite. Do the job.

Steven puts in a second pod. It's Earl Grey, shhh. He can have his tea and eat it too.

"I'm afraid if someone killed me here, I'd have hurt them very badly, and I'd make an effort to make sure I understood why that all happened so I wouldn't do it again."

This is not sugary sincerity. This is Customer Service Voice.

Edited 2026-04-04 08:41 (UTC)

There's an exhale through his teeth. Learning is fine, but does he actually get it? Probably not. Sorry, Marc. He tried.

"And I'm saying sometimes they'll kill you and there simply is no reason. You could have done everything right and they'd still do it." There is more he wants to say like how terrible people can be but that seems redundant.

"Well, that is what the Dancer's for. It's not very safe here, I do know that.

Why's this important for me to know?"

Yeah... he doesn't really trust that thing. Sure, it stopped Marc in the moment that was useful but.. nah. Kylar's not buying it. But he's not going to sit and tear down Steven's trust in not-quite-Hat-guy.

"Better question, why isn't it important?" Is he being facetious or does it have a point. Who can say? He makes it sound serious, if in his usual relaxed way.

"No, it is important. But I already know why it's important to me, it's me not being killed by lunatics."

He is thinking specifically of Ashton and the Eleven, honestly, who are the scariest people he's ever met in person.

"I already worried about that, I've taken steps. But why's it matter to you? You don't seem to like ... want to protect me, it's more like you're annoyed that I'm not - not displaying fear the same way you would?"

"I'm hurt." He feigns, a hand against his chest like the equivalent of clutching pearls.

But how does he explain to Steven that he's attached to Marc without saying that and also that because of the temp situation it's officially his job to care? Well, he doesn't. He can't. So he lies, somewhat.

There's a dismissive wave. "Not annoyed." Is he? Isn't he? Maybe not for those reasons. But it doesn't matter.

"If I don't seem the protecting type, what type do I seem like, Steven?"

A little frustrated that nobody's told you what you're supposed to be doing, only what you're supposed to be not doing. And then you've tried most of the things you're not supposed to do and can't figure out why you weren't supposed to do them in the first place, so you've given up on trusting advice.

"At home? Dunno. Here? Isolated, mate."

His lips thin and he sips his coffee loudly. Ohh, he did not appreciate that. Now, he is annoyed.

"Do I even want to know what gave you that idea?" Thanks, he hates it. Probably because it's right.

Steven bounces his shoulders. Oooh, that felt like he was correct? Now he feels a little mean, but goodness' sake do we have to talk about Steven getting murdered for no reason?

"It's hard to deal with people when you can't really make yourself care what they think of you? Which isn't good or bad, just, I dunno, a specific way to be that - that people usually have a good reason for adopting? An' it's definitely easier to put on if you find other people kind of untrustworthy and confusing straight from the jump... but is hard to turn back off?

Granted, hard to turn on, too. I'd love to be able to selectively not care what people think of me, but that ship sailed, I think this is just my personality now."

He does not like this. This should be going the other way, to some degree. His eyes narrow a little as he takes yet another sip of his drink.

There's an exhale that follows like he had been holding his breath for some time. "Well, hate to disappoint, but you're wrong." And he does not elaborate.

"Oh, that's good!"

Cheery.

"Most of that's pretty glum if I was right."

"Yeah." He grimaces. A finger taps at the cup idly before he realizes it, catches himself and stops. Total neutrality. He's fine. Not a single nervous habit to speak of.

"So what if I told you that I am trying to protect you."

"From being killed? Well, that's very nice of you.

But I - I don't think anybody can, realistically." A quick, exhausted smile. "Last month, I think I mentioned that my fear of dying is not seeing the people I love again? I'm not about to slag on how scary and painful it must be to die here, but the Death Toll means that my biggest fear, which is that she'll never even know what happened to me, won't come true. So - well. There is that."

Unless someone blows up the fucking boat, but we're not there yet in the timeline.

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